’ ‘Everything- will- be- okay?’ I stabbed the words back at him as I turned to look at him once more, those dark, dark eyes that reached into my very being and turned my stomach like fairy floss on a god- damned stick, ‘everything as in what? My life? My body? What about my mind?’ I watched carefully as he swallowed down upon his own concerns at my anger, his lips seeming to draw desire from my own simply by being ever so poised. My eyes flickered to and fro, from him lips to his eyes and back again. Could I deny myself the fantasy? ‘You have no control,’ he stated firmly. Matter of fact, he had the control, he owned my mind in this moment, my every ounce of attention was his toy for play. ‘You have no fucking idea what this world is about to do for you,’ he grabbed the side of my shirt and tugged me in closer to him. I gasped for breath and felt my heart begin a near enough race with my thoughts. Thumping and thinking as this moment intensified, pounding upon the ‘fuck-you’. Dear Zach,I'm so very sorry all this happened. I know it seems like I keep saying that again and again but it's true. This isn't what I planned or even considered happening when I came back to Brownwood. Things just seemed to go to shit quickly didn't they?You told me that I didn't have any idea how badly I'd hurt you and you were right. I know that now. The Zach I knew could never have done what you did to me. What breaks my heart is that I know I'm the one who helped make you that way.Zach, you hurt me in a way I didn't think was possible anymore. I know I'll be able to someday forgive you but like they say, forgetting may never happen. I hope in time I'll be able to forgive myself for all those foolish things I've done that helped ruin a man I once loved.I really do wish the best for you. I hope one day that you heal that hole in your heart. You've so much to give and I pray you find it again someday.Before I close, I need to say one more thing. I know this request won't mean.
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